Being Gay is a Gift from God | +REFLECTIONS | TuckTube
In this video, Tuck discusses sexuality, teenage Gay bullying and why being Gay is a gift from God.
When I was 12 years old, I was sexually attracted to my father and I became aware that I was unlike the other boys - I was sexually attracted to boys as opposed to girls.
It was a secret and shame which I held me back all these years…in fact for 7 years I hid this secret and shame. It was something you felt at the time (as someone so young) as something unnatural. Coming out of being taught sex education at school, and being taught that a man’s penis enters a women’s temple - I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my sexual urges wasn’t a part of that procreation and making life.
I remembered telling my mother about this and I could see the fear in her eyes which reflected back at my own fearful soul. That perhaps leading a life by allowing these urges to continue would bring you and your family so much shame. It was that time when I went on Google and I started searching for ways to “convert”, looking into gay conversion therapy camps and encouraging myself to watch straight pornography. To take away, to strip away all this desire, to align myself with the natural order.
Every film you saw was a husband with his wife, never a husband with his husband. It was also this notion in the media that gay men were the laughing stock of sitcoms. In sitcoms, you would have one character, a gay man, often very fat, like a clown, he would touch beautiful men around him as a joke and he would never get the guy. He would never be able to fall in love and be loved back.
I remember sitting on a dinner table with my grandmother and she would say “Tuck, you’re so handsome, be careful, Gay men may touch you…they may touch you in an inappropriate way”. And somehow, I linked this idea of this gay character, the clown, in the sitcom with what my grandmother said, which I understood as “being gay was a child molester”, someone who would take a child’s innocence. And if I were to pursue this way with my urges, I would be a monster and live my life as a monster.
So, it took a long time for me to accept myself and the question “are you gay?” kept haunting me. Every day I would turn up to school and be bullied. I would be asked the question “are you gay?”, “are you gay!?”, and it was a question I could never answer because if I said “yes”, I would fear that I would be bullied even more or I would fear that nobody’s going to ever love me again as I would be a monster, and if I said “no” I knew I would be lying to myself and the question would come back to get me.
As a result, I chose to live in the “no”, lived a lie for 7 years. Put on a mask as a “straight man”, and tried to live as one. But you know it doesn’t work and the questions kept coming back: “are you gay?”, two years after, when you thought you were straight. You know it doesn’t work because when you’re living a lie, there’s this deep fear that something within you will be exposed to the light, and you kept pushing and holding yourself back from being that light – who you were created to be.
In my university years, I had a break down about this and I was looking for help. I came across a life coach’s website and it said “I believe that being Gay is a Gift”. And I said to myself, I want to know what I means and how to go about the business of living that and expressing that with so much Truth. It’s clear to me now that being Gay is gift that is unimaginable to me.
It’s a gift from God because you’re able to harness the power of the Yin and the Yang and for it to fulfill each other in the sacred space that you hold - that is so powerful, that is so palpable, that wherever you move, wherever you transition with this energy nobody can touch you because you are living a life that shines so bright it burns your eyes. You live with the perspective of being a King and a Queen walking the Life and reigning your Kingdom. You learn to stand up as who you truly are on the throne of the life you are meant to live. The light that has always informed you to say “yes” to your calling, is the Gift from God telling you to “be you” – and if you try to run away from that, that is to run away from your full potential.
When I could finally embrace and accept the fact that…I am created as a Gay man and that “being you” is a Gift from God, being Gay became the greatest blessing. The joy that comes with it, the light that comes with it, will sustain and fulfill you in ways that is unimaginable. I encourage you to try it: be you, because being you is a Gift from God.
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